Not saying that the men don't have some blame in this but I have come to a point where I blame the women! Women are saying "what the fuk is she talking about?" yeah I know! I blame the women!! I don't care I don't care! As long as there is a woman out there that will accept the lying cheating double crossing ass holes and not force him to make some sort of commitment there will always be a cheater! Goes back to the old saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" and it really is just that simple! Now my goal here is not to down play "The other woman" because some women know their role they play their position and in some cases its beneficial to all parties! My point is in a nutshell is that if you are going to be that "other woman" do not then go bragging about taking someone's man or being "In your mans bed" that's not cute! You look desperate and valueless. Me myself personally I respect peoples relationships and I think life would be so much easier if everyone did the same however to each it's own.
All I'm saying is its okay to have standards ladies! In the world of dating, everybody has standards even if they won’t admit it. The only thing is that there is a major disparity between the type of standards that you should have and how much. It seems to be one extreme to another – either too little or too much.
Having standards is not about having a criteria list for you to mark potential mates against and it’s not about the superficial. Standards are there to allow you to ensure that there are basic needs that are met by partners and that you have clearly defined behaviours that are unacceptable if someone wants to be with you. These are the standards that you should not be rolling over to throw out the window the moment that you have an orgasm or are feeling a little insecure.
Basic criteria should mean that a partner should behave in a caring, honest, trustworthy manner. They should have values and be capable of behaving like a decent human being, not just for other people, but for you. Trust is something that is earned, not doled out to every guy that makes an effort to go out on a date or sleep between the sheets. This means that if he can’t behave in the basic ways that enable him to earn your trust, such as calling when he says he will, being emotionally available, being faithful, being unattached to someone else, treating you with respect and behaving with integrity, then he shouldn’t be trusted and he is below standard. Simple things like does he call when he say he will. Does he come when he says and do the things you ask of him?
Now ladies I'm not saying go to the extreme and make some crazy list like chile from VH1.. There has to be a happy medium. Having standards doesn't mean becoming some sort of private investigated & checking his phone, his car mileage,his pockets, his bank receipts, adding every chi that comments on his FB and putting listening devices in his car! This is an extreme!
When you have extensive experience of your boundaries being crossed and feeling like people have ‘gotten away with it’, when you finally recognise the importance of boundaries, it’s not unusual to become sidetracked with patrolling your ‘perimeter’ and getting any and all trespassers.
It’s like taking a precautionary measure of tackling all issues big and small – you’re not letting anything go which means ruminating and/or taking them to task.
When you haven’t resolved your feelings around these past experiences and behaviours, it can leave you feeling reserved, on guard, and in a defensive position ready to attack. The resulting mental and physical drama can be exhausting. Not to mention who has time to do all this things! Any women with half a life a career possibly children, who has time to devote every waking minute to find out if your man is cheating.
However if you pay attention to the signs sooner or later you will know. A person will always eventually tell you exactly who they are and what they're about now it's up to you if you chose to listen or continually make excuses while wishing on a star hoping that one day Mr wrong will just wake up an miraculously be Mr Right. Not gonna happen.
When you’re policing people and ready to strike, you’re mentally taking off your earrings and rolling up your sleeves ready for battle. That is definitely not gonna end in the happily ever after your looking or either.
I think its about your self awareness. How you yourself value yourself! Self esteem is everything!!! You have to be secure in yourself & know your worth!
When you have low self-esteem, when you follow the path of your choices and actions and your thinking and beliefs behind it and get right down to the starting point, it likely says ‘I don’t believe I’m good enough’.
In feeling this way, you just can’t believe that you’re a person of value, that you’re worthy of a better relationship, that you deserve to have your boundaries respected or to be able to vocalise your concerns or opinions. You’ll be cautious of people that don’t have similar outlooks and if you get involved with them you may think they’re ‘too nice’ or even privately wonder why the hell they’re making a ‘bad’ investment in you.
You’ll find any and all reasons to take a parachute and jump or sabotage when things are going well. You won’t be convinced that a valuable person and a valuable relationship would want to have you in it. You’ll take refuge in a limited relationship and then focus on their problems.
With that being said I'm gonna just say ladies it's okay to have standards , it's okay to demand respect, and it's okay to value yourself!
Stop looking for acceptance and validity within a man! Stop trying to force yourself on people that clearly don't want you or value your relationship. Set stand standards & stick to them! If someone is not willing to or can't meet the simple standards you set in place, have enough confidence to WALK AWAY!!
Find yourself first become confident with who you are as a woman and then everything else will fall into place.
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