Dear past , Dear present , Dear future .... : A letter from a single mother

So it's been along time since I've written anything mostly because I've been living life being a mother, a father, a daughter, a co-worker, a friend, a house keeper the works! Being a single mother means you wear many hats and play many roles. In the last few months I can say I've experience extreme highs & extreme lows and today on Mother's Day I'm finding the strength to let things go.......

Dear Past; 

Thanks for all the lessons and experiences you given me.  For so long I have been resentful and angry for the way thing turned out but today I will move forward forgiving but never forgetting.. I will no longer hold on to the hurtful memories or the hard times that I have overcome instead I will celebrate them for making me who I am...

For all the sleepless nights waking up when my daughter cried, I fixedher bottles even though I was half asleep. If I felt horrible, like hell had ran me over, or sick as a dog, I have put it all aside and jump the minute that she needed me. When she spitup all over the sheets, Right after i washed them Only to do it all again as soon as I put them on the bed. When she pooped everywhere, I didnt gag. I cleaned it up and went  about my business. I wasnt out everyday, and if i was she went  with me. I would feed her, clean her, put her to sleep, talk to her, sing to her, take care of her, before I would ever think about doing something for myself first.  I’ve had to sacrifice everything DOUBLE because of the choices in men i made I chose  the ones that wanted drugs,girlfriend,partying and dumb stuff that they thought and still think is more more important than being a man,but I’ve come to really not mind,because I know I’m doing a better job than they ever could.  You're welcome! You're welcome for me stepping in and being everything you could never be! 

For all the relationships that have failed I thank you for showing me everything i dont want and teaching me to stand my own! Thank you for showing me what real so when it comes along again I can forever appreciate it!  Today past I declare that you will not define me, you will not anger me an you will not hold me back anther second!  

Dear present; 

Bring it on! 

I will be it all.  I will be our children’s mother and father, the rock they lean on the person who wipes away their tears away. I'm loving everyday and every new experience. Witnessing my daughter turn into a beautiful young woman and feeling my son grow inside me is worth more than anything I could ever ask for.  When I wake up. I get to watch my daughter explore life. I get to see her realize that those hands of hers can actually do something, and that those feet are meant to walk. I get to listen to her laugh. Hear her stories, watch her learn and grow and  I get to wipe away her tears when she cries.  Everyday I grow as woman as a mother as a person and I am embracing the change!!! 

Dear future;

I want you to know that I come with a lot of baggage. I don’t have my head on just right. I say things out of line, i’m over emotional. I cry for no reason, and when I’m angry.. oh, you just don’t want to mess with me when i’m angry. But I have a beautiful little girl and king on the way, And I have a beautiful soul. And I want you to know, whoever you are, that I promise we can have a beautiful life, home, relationship, and forever. I promise to be loyal loving unjudgmental , appreciate you like no other & cherish every moment!